in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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