If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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