Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But theres a keg here and me gusta
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
