Pappa wants mamma naked
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
