I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
