my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
