you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
