her vagine was all disorganized.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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