guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
