i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
