i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
