He had one of those small greek statue penises
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
