It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
