just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
