There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
