We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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