there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
