Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
