mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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