3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
where am i from again
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
