I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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