you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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