i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Terrible idea I love it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
