His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
