She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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