; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
