i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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