Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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