i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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