i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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