weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
