yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
