That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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