He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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