Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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