Sober January is a disaster.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
