Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
