You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The Olympian is in my bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
