I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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