I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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