You're completely useless in the revolution.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
