Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
