my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
