so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
