just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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