I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
