If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
