I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
