do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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