I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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