I bet he comes in French.
I looked at my own cervix.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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