is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
True strength comes from lack of pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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