So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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