I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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