Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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