A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
