I'm gonna have a badass scar
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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