You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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