Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
