Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
