Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
