Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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