You're my little dorito
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
