Will you blow on my dice?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
