just come out here and I will go home with you...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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