Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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