mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
