im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
