how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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