I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
