Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
