Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
