drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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