hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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