Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
