nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
