well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
