he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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