But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
