come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
