she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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