totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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