I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
