He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
