Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
